Snow, curtains, car

There is so much to write about, but I just don't feel the inspiration.
Strangely enough, I am only inspired to go into detail about the wonderful chicken salad I made tonight and last night. So yes, it's not the most intricate of dishes, but at least it's my own and I didn't need a recipe to make it. So here goes:

A few days ago I made some chicken specifically in order to make salad w/ grilled chicken out of it. I cut chicken breast into small pieces and marinated it in soy sauce, salt and pepper for a little bit. It probably would've been even better had it been marinated longer. I then cooked it (or should i say fried it?) in a pan with olive oil until browned. To make the salad I just chop up lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, some red pepper, the chicken (into even smaller pieces), then I put in salt and pepper and spray it with lemon juice (the fresh kind, squeezed from the lemon itself, not from those little yellow cans they sell in the supermarket). I use mayo as dressing. Not the healthiest recipe if you're watching your fat, but great for low-carb people. I've had it for dinner 2 nights in a row, and I foresee having it againt tomorrow. It's lovely.

My parents visited me this weekend and brought curtains and put up mirrors in front of the Ikea dresser in the bedroom, and a mirror by the front door. Now the bedroom looks absolutely beautiful, and I took some unfortunately dark pictures of it. If I stop being lazy, I will post them. The weird thing with the mirrors is that I (and everyone else) looks really fat in the hallway mirror, but I look really thin in the bedroom mirror. I'm not sure where it's more important to feel good about yourself - in the bedroom or right before you leave the house? Maybe I should have considered putting up a normal mirror in both places. But these ones were free, others would have required a monetary investment. My parents also brought the Ikea cakes, which I forgot at home. This is terrible! Also, today I, for the second time, had the Chantico drinking chocolate. It was freezing outside and after climbing in and out of snow banks I figured I deserved it. Bad! But I did walk to the gym, ran 2 miles, did 20 minutes on eliptical crosstrainer, lifted some weights, and walked home from the gym (while also climbing snow banks) to make up for it.

In addition we bought a car this weekend. A fancy one. A BMW. Well at least I think it's fancy. But maybe not because when we were in the dealership, a man was buying the same car (albeit used) for his 16 year old daughter (who was wearing a short fur coat). In fact, I was the only person in the dealership that was NOT wearing a fur coat. Maybe you're not supposed to own a BMW unless you wear fur? In any case, I will also post the pictures of the car once we get it, which will be next saturday.

Today I joined a local library. It is so ridiculous how I haven't used a public library in probably 6 years, if you don't count the law school library. You can take out books, like, for free! And here I spent all this money buying books for years. It seems that my local library is custom made for chinese people because whole sections are solely in Chinese. I wanted to take out Middlesex, but it was out. Instead I took out a book by the same author, Jeffrey Eugenides, The Virgin Suicides. I already saw the movie, but it is probably still worth reading. I considered taking out Bill Clinton's book, but decided against it because it is heavy and I was already lugging my laptop with me. I might take it out next time.

The tropics

My borscht was a huuuuge success. I think it's making Vadim fall in love with me all over again. Is this really how easy it is to please a man and get him to tell you how much he loves you several times a day? Not to make light of my accomplishment, it's not that easy to cut up all of those uncooked vegetables. In fact it's kind of a pain in the ass. But once I get a food processor (which i've been promised a gift) - borscht should become a piece of cake (interesting concept).

I think we're settling in nicely. Part of it is that both of our ailments are going away. I am pretty much 100% better and my cough has finally left me. Which is ironic considering that I managed to bully the health center lady into prescribing me antibiotics against her threats that it'll amount to malpractice on her part (such a drama queen!). But now at least I have lovely antibiotics that don't expire for another 2 or 3 years, so that I won't have this problem next time I (or someone I like enough to share) is sick for several weeks and doesn't want to deal with annoying doctors.

This past weekend we had friends over - our first guests. It was lovely. Other than the part that I was (rudely) criticized for serving UNfancy Lipton Tea and Milano cookies. So when we did our food shopping the other day, we put "buy fancy desert and tea for guests" on our list. Check. Tomorrow I'm joining an expensive gym. I figure it's worth Vadim's money because it's the closest to our apartment (.2 miles to be exact), and it's open 24/7 (which is a big plus, because I've been known to enjoy working out at random late hours). Plus, I am noticing that I am eating bigger portions now that I am cooking things myself. I put stuff into dishes for us, and then I am under the impression that we should be finishing everything, and also I'm under impression that i should be eating almost as much as a 6'2" man. And also they are introducing this new chocolate drink in Starbucks - I've managed to stop myself from trying it thus far, but from the picture it looks delectible - as in pure melted chocolate served in a cup. I can only hold out for so long.

The apartment is super hot. Which is nice when you come in from 14 degree weather, but becomes a bit unbearable later on. It's impossible to sleep under covers, or in anything resembling pajamas. So you can imagine what I slept in last night. Good thing I don't have children.

I must make a decision on whether to take a take-home exam (where you're stressed for 48 hours straight) or to write a 15-20 page paper (which, knowling me I'll also be stressed for 48 hours straight -because that's how much time I will leave for myself to write it). Suggestions?

Here is borscht which I made today. For the first time ever. By myself.

Here is a closer view:

It doesn't look that pretty, but it was really good! The recipe is here. For healthier or vegetarian versions, it can be made without meat.

First Week

So comes the end of my first week in my very own apartment. It's been pretty stressful, I cried a whole bunch of times, but it's ending on a good note. All of our furniture has been assembled. We now have the following dining room set:

And i can proudly say that I am responsible for assembling those chairs all by myself (well except the drilling the seat cushion part.)
We also have this lovely Queen Ikea bed:

I have always had trouble falling asleep when I'm not alone in my bed. I know by now I should be used to it, but at home I had a full (as opposed to Queen) bed, and it wasn't big enough for two people as far as I am concerned. But a Queen bed is the perfectly sized bed for two. It gives you space enough to separate and get comfortable and throw your hands and feet wherever you want them, but then you can also be close if the need arises. Perfect arrangement!

Tonight I made a very well balanced dinner. I am so proud of myself. We had tilapia (which I marinated in a mix of olive oil, lemon juice, spices, and dill and then baked in the oven) with roasted potatoes, sugar snap peas, and salad. I think I had my basic food groups covered. I am thinking that maybe I can handle this cooking thing. It's not that bad.

I am walking around so much that I wonder if I even should bother joining a gym and paying the gym membership. Just walking to the gym and back alone will take me half an hour - a workout in and of itself. I walk around 15 minutes to the train station, 5 minutes from the train station to the school. That added to all the other walking that I do in the middle probably comes up to around an hour of walking per day. Today, for instance, I decided that I just must get rid of all the furniture boxes laying all around the apartment. It took me four different trips to the dumpster/recycling area just to accomplish this. I haven't walked this much in years. But even though I keep telling myself that this is good for me, I honestly would rather get a workout when I plan to instead of because my lifestyle is forcing me to. And so I am pretty ok with the fact that Vadim decided to buy a Honda Accord Coupe in a few months, so that I can have my car back. Then I can drive to the gym. No more of this walking nonsense.

I am probably being ridiculous. Just the other day I saw this thing on TV about why French women are so thin. And supposedly it's not because they work out, in fact they hate working out and generally look down upon sports. Instead they walk everywhere and eat everything fattening (like bagettes and cheeses) in moderation. So theoretically I should keep walking and forget the gym. But I am just not french enough.

I'm glad it's the weekend.

Little Suzie Homemaker

So we're all moved in, and I have been living "on my own" or "on our own" for 3 whole days now. So far I'm pretty happy with it. Last night we assembled our Ikea bed and our Ikea chairs and the coffee table. Unfortunately the coffee table is totally gigantic and way too big for our apartment. However, it's useful cause now we can start putting all of this random crap on it. And we can eat sushi while watching TV - which can be hard with a smaller sized coffee table because you can't lay all the sushi out.

I seem to be doing a lot of "around the house" stuff, which is ok now that it's only the beginning of the semester, but I'm not sure if I'll have time for it later on. Last night I was home all day, but I spent a shockingly small amount of time doing nothing. Instead I cooked pretty much all day, cleaned things, and went out to make random purchases, which took almost an hour now that I have no car. I have a feeling that with this new arrangement I won't need to work out as much since I am walking like 20 times more than I used to. For example, today I attempted to take the bus to get to Manhattan, and accidentally took it in the wrong direction. When I finally realized the error of my ways, I figured screw the bus, and asked a random person to point me towards a more expensive, but a much more comfortable and fast Long Island Rail Road. I had to walk an extra 20 minutes to get to the LIRR, and my commute took me about an hour and a half due to my stupidity.

I am also finding out that I am much neater and more domestically-oriented than I thought I was. I am constantly cleaning things, washing dishes, picking things up after Vadim (like folding his clothes and putting them in the closet or in the laundry bag), whereas I used to just throw my own clothes on the chair and pile them up until they hit the ceiling, and only then place them into proper areas. Yesterday I made Vadim lunch to take to work with him (which included 2 sandwiches and several snacks). Later on I made chicken stir fried with vegetables, and salad olivier (Russian food staple which involves an hour of boiling and subsequently cutting up various vegetables) and buckwheat. I hope this can last us for a few days and then I'll have to think of something else for us to eat. It always used to amaze me that my mom has to spend half her life coming up with things to feed us. I would feel pretty sorry for her, but not sorry enough to help with the cooking. I suppose now it'll be my turn. Although if I was alone, I bed I'd still be lazy and would wind up just eating take-out all the time, but that's not going to work now.

My high school boyfriend emailed me out of the blue the other day. We write each other intermittently, usually with prolonged breaks that can last up to 2 years. He got married at some very tender age (like 19) but in the email informed me that while he wishes me luck in my upcoming marriage, it is not something that he would ever do again. Which is disappointing, almost as disappointing as the breakup of Brad & Jenn, aka "Hollywood's Golden Couple". Why oh why can't people make a relationship work?

On another random note, I cannot seem to get rid of my cough and the fact that the mean lady at the health center refused to give me antibiotics is not helping. While the cough is hiding during the day, it comes out towards night time and makes it really hard to talk and breathe. And they don't think that calls for antibiotics!

Unsexy anyone?

Here is a picture of me trying to be all sexy on New Year's Eve. Clearly I don't do "sexy" that great.

I LOVED LOVED LOVED my future wedding photographer. She was the sweetest. And very cute. Oh and she takes beautiful pictures. Today was clearly more productive than yesterday. I managed to buy a whole bunch of household items for $.99 each (well, not all of them) and I made a decision about a photographer. However, I am in danger of getting a horrific rash, if it turns out to be contageous. That would be absolutely horrible.

Moving!

So we're moving. Officially. This sunday. I just called the not terribly friendly apartment management lady, who told me that I can come pick up the keys tomorrow. Tomorrow is supposed to be a really bad snowy day, so I doubt I'm going to want to drive all the way to Queens. And also tomorrow I planned on going to Ikea to buy us a bed and a kitchen table with chairs. We're planning to buy a foam bed, which is cheap, but I'm afraid it'll sink right in under the weight of a human body, so I have to go and lay on it before buying it. Otherwise it would be pretty convenient if I could just order it off of the internet.

I'm feeling all anxious and like I should be doing 1000 different things, and yet I am just sitting here typing this up instead of doing them. This is stressful! And to add to the stress, I have a cold, like the beginning stages of it, which means it's just going to get worse long before it gets better, which in turn means we'll be moving and I'll be sick as a dog.

So on my agenda today: buy various cleaning supplies (regarding which I've been informed that I need to pay attention to their brand, and get things like 409, Windex, and some special broom and toilet cleaner - like the kind with a tilted tip which you can just point into the bowl and it'll dispense the liquid into all the proper areas). This is coming from a person who probably never cleaned a bathroom in his life. Not the I'm such an expert, but it used to be my chore during high school to clean one of our 2 bathrooms (yes, I was spoiled - it was my only chore). After the cleaning purchases, my mother and I are going to meet with the photographer lady. Must remember to bring my checkbook. I'd rather just sleep for hours than go anywhere.

Today has been absolutely unproductive. Although I did manage to make a dentist's appointment and I did just apply to a couple of part time jobs. To be perfectly frank, I don't really want to work. I keep feeling like this is my last chance ever when I'll be able NOT to work and the rest of my life will be filled with working non-stop, and that prospect is quite frightening for my naturally lazy disposition. But nevertheless, I feel guilty at least not trying to get me a job. My schedule will be awfully empty this semester, and I will be all guilt-ridden if I have nothing else to do.

I made myself take a shower today with expectation of making a trip to Brighton Beach for some russian music CD's. But I never made it out there. Instead I've been sitting here using this amazing website (http://www.rbcmp3.com) on which you can pre-listen to songs before you decide whether you want to buy them - mostly russian songs. Right now I'm enjoying this great CD by In-Grid. It's almost as if i'm walking the streets of Paris while sitting on my couch. But not quite.

Tomorrow at least I have something that I must get done. I have an appointment with a wedding photographer. She seems terrific. Her pictures make me cry. Because of that, and also because I am too lazy to look for someone else - I am fairly certain that we're going to wind up hiring her.

Welcome (from me to me)

I want to try to write again. I don't know what about - whether it's about the minute details of my life, or about my inner thoughts. I haven't been able to put my inner thoughts into writing in a while, I have gotten so unaccustomed to it. Maybe I have even gotten unaccustomed to thinking them. It used to be fairly easy for me (to write, and I suppose to think as well). But then the ease of access to my previous online journal, and the lack of anonymity, along with the fear of my fiance that I was revealing our whole life to strangers on the internet - all of that (combined with my general wellbeing and happiness) came together and put a stop to my writing. I think that whenever I write, I feel that I am a better person. Not a happier person, for sure - because I typically want to write the most when I am unhappy. But at least a person who thinks and examines and ponders everything. And i like myself more when I do that.

Things in my life have slowly been coming together. I suppose it's still hard for me to believe that I am happy, and that I deserve to be happy. To this day it seems fleeting and I have these ridiculous fears that it will end. This is why I don't think about it too much, and I don't write. I don't write because writing requires acknowledging the truth, and truth can be scary. So it's much easier not to write, not to think too much, and to remain ignorant about your fears and shortcomings.

This is my last week at home. We are moving out and into our first apartment together. It's so amazingly exciting. One hour I'm bursting with excitement, and the next I am ridden with fear. I guess it's normal. Everything can be described as "normal," so I frankly have no idea what normal is. People are so different. Tons of people live with their boyfriends, lots of my friends are doing it and it is objectively speaking, no big deal. But it is really big to me. It's so entirely new and huge. I have been waiting for this for so long. I don't know what to expect. When I close my eyes and picture it, I can foresee completely different ways in which this can all unfold.

Next monday I go back to school. Back to going through the motions of pretending to be a student who gives a damn about what she is studying. I dread questions about my career, about what kind of law I want to practice. I have no idea why I am in law school. I mean sure, I know why I am there, but I have no good reason for being there. I hope it will all somehow fall into place, but I am not optimistic enough to believe that I will ever be truly satisfied professionally speaking. I am a smart, intelligent person. So certainly I could not have been a hairdresser or something equally mind-numbing. I graduated from an Ivy League college. But that's about it. There's nothing that I want to do (professionally speaking), there is nothing that I am itching to accomplish. I am lost in this, just as I have always been lost. I don't want to work. But I also don't want to not work. At my job this past summer I hated the feeling of being confined to an office for some set number of hours each day (heck - for majority of hours in a day!). But there's no way around it I guess. Unless I become a professor, but I am neither smart enough nor driven enough to become one. What will become of me? This cannot end well.

It's bad for me to be home and to do nothing all day. I hope I can make it through this week without losing my mind.