Here we go

Such a boring old subject, but.. nevertheless here it is: I am feeling shitty. As in depressed, unhappy, and utterly apathetic. How it is manifested: I walk around all day with the same two thoughts running through my mind - 1)"I just want to go to bed" and 2)"I just don't care". Even when I am in bed, I still have that same thought about just wanting to be in bed, which makes me feel that absolutely nothing can make me happy, not even being in bed, which is what I seem to think would make me happy when I am not in it. I also have trouble making myself get out of bed every morning, even when I have had adequate hours of sleep, and when I do finally get up, I feel "like I've been run over by a truck". I really couldn't have come up with a better description, regardless of how overused this one is.

Maybe it has something to do with how I had a stomach virus 2 days ago and was throwing up, which hasn't happened to me in years. In fact, I never throw up, the last time it happened was when I was 19 years old, and it was the first time I ever got drunk in college. And not even once since then, until now. And even though I haven't thrown up for 2 days, I still feel nauseous and all out of sorts all the time. I don't know what I am allowed to eat, I don't know if I even want to eat. It is very confusing, considering how much I love food, and how I can always count on food to make me feel better, not to make me feel miserable. Although this is not true either - food always makes me feel better, and right after I eat it - miserable. But this is a whole separate blog post. This whole stomach virus business is very strange for me. It's not my disorder of choice.