selfish
If I seem selfish because all I care about right now is the Bar Exam, and it's all I talk about or take any interest in, and somebody has a problem with that - they can just bite me :).
I've noticed that I invariably oscillate between 2 emotional conditions: (1) I either feel very depressed, as in drained, tired, desiring nothing but sleep, having no zest for life so to speak, or (2) I'm completely ridden with anxiety, I'm almost shaking all over, I can pretty much feel my heart beat all the time, and I am wide awake.
I don't know if this is an easy choice - but I definitely prefer the 2nd one, because at least in that state I study and don't take naps, and so there's less guilt. Except studying is hard in an agigated state because there's so much to study, that I am never sure if I'm using my time effectively. And the mere decision about WHAT to study, and how to most productively to spend my time is a waste of time it its own, and THAT brings on guilt. Also I've found that the only thing that makes me feel normal and brings me back down to a calm level from the agitated state is working out. I figure this makes sense - since that's how I can dispose of all the nervous energy. But working out does NOT help when I'm feeling depressed, since even if somehow I manage to force myself to go to the gym, I don't have the energy for an effective workout.. I'm sure that this is fascinating to all of you...
Speaking of productively spending my time, blogging is certainly not it. But inexplicably, I am suddenly all into the frequent blogging. Go figure!
I've noticed that I invariably oscillate between 2 emotional conditions: (1) I either feel very depressed, as in drained, tired, desiring nothing but sleep, having no zest for life so to speak, or (2) I'm completely ridden with anxiety, I'm almost shaking all over, I can pretty much feel my heart beat all the time, and I am wide awake.
I don't know if this is an easy choice - but I definitely prefer the 2nd one, because at least in that state I study and don't take naps, and so there's less guilt. Except studying is hard in an agigated state because there's so much to study, that I am never sure if I'm using my time effectively. And the mere decision about WHAT to study, and how to most productively to spend my time is a waste of time it its own, and THAT brings on guilt. Also I've found that the only thing that makes me feel normal and brings me back down to a calm level from the agitated state is working out. I figure this makes sense - since that's how I can dispose of all the nervous energy. But working out does NOT help when I'm feeling depressed, since even if somehow I manage to force myself to go to the gym, I don't have the energy for an effective workout.. I'm sure that this is fascinating to all of you...
Speaking of productively spending my time, blogging is certainly not it. But inexplicably, I am suddenly all into the frequent blogging. Go figure!
posted by SmallWonder at 12:12 PM
3 Comments:
i don't recall when you're actually taking the bar, but i hope it's soon for your sake!
It's soon! July 26 thru 28 (I'm taking it for 2 states because 1 is just not horrible enough :). Lectures are over, so now i basically have a little over a week to JUST NON-STOP STUDY, which I really don't know if I can handle.
good luck! and thank goodness it's coming up. i hope you celebrate properly after it's all done :).
Post a Comment
<< Home