I hate this process. I cannot stand spending so much time on my appearance. It is draining, and most importantly - utterly unrewarding. I hate going for hair and makeup trials. I hate throwing money out like it's paper for something that I don't even need to begin with. I hate women who ask me why I don't go tanning. ("Why in the world would I go tanning?" is what I want to ask them in return. Instead, I shrug my shoulders appologetically, as if I have something to be ashamed of - my insufficient lack of vanity maybe? And here I thought I was already overly vain..) I hate tiaras. I hate makeup. I abhor foundation. My face hurts. I feel like I can't close my eyes without feeling pain. I am sick of exercising. I have no energy for it. My body hurts. I have these ridiculous aches and pains in strange places. For example, when I run, I feel pain in my back and shoulders, which aren't even seemingly connected to running. I feel drained.

I hate it that when people try to convince you to spend obscene amounts of money on things, they preface it by saying "this is for the rest of your life. You will be looking at these pictures for the rest of your life. It's worth it." That's just what I want to hear. Well, what if I am just not beautiful enough "for the rest of my life" and no matter how much money I sink into this ridiculous process, that is simply not going to change?